The Ideal Super UMNO candidate

This is the ideal Super UMNO candidate. No quarter given or asked.

If we had 100 Tajuddin's as MP's , Pakatan would have been beaten out of parliament. (albeit from fist fights occurring out of parliament)

This is war and Tajuddin is a Super UMNO warrior (a six million dollar warrior, but still a warrior) .

He is the best of us. Look at the Parliament Speaker, he can't even censure him.  Minta tolong!? Yo, Speaker, go wipe Pakatan's ass.

He must be one of the world's best parliamentarians.

How we are insidioulsy undermining PKR

So PKR is trying to be all professional now. They hired a media company to do a logo design for their recent congress. Instead of asking for a proposal, they gave it to a "friend". Well a Super UMNO member in this organisation worked on it and successfully sabotaged it. Look at it below.

It looks like the footprints of a cicak. When people look at it, what are they supposed to think?

And of course look at the PKR logo (self-inflicted, Super UMNO did not sabotage this). Looks like an evil eye, what it's supposed to mean? Not demon-eyes is it?

We are imprinting a subconscious message at anyone who looks at the PKR Congress logo, that they are the everywhere crap logo cicak party!

PAS Selangor's strategic thrust at UMNO fails

Lucky!, Here was PAS trying to make it harder for alcohol to be sold in Selangor. But it failed thanks to the Cina-Geng.

If it was difficult to get alcohol, our supply of Mat Rempit's for various event would have been severely curtailed. Imagine who would turn out at our protest without our friendly Mat Rempit's. It's bad enough that no one turns up to our ceramah's anymore.

But ......Ha! Ha! KL is a federal territory, so we can drink and get alcohol and do what we want in KL! UMNO Rules! Even is every state govt. falls, Putrajaya and KL is ours (who cares about Labuan?) as long as we control the federal govt.

Join Super UMNO - Special offer

The first 10 member of Super UMNO will get free satay! For Life! Now is that a tempting offer or what?!

And the first 50 members won't have to do this

"Just after the general election in March, a clutch of Umno MPs stopped a minister along the Parliament lobby, badgering and threatening him. Their bone of contention: their multimillion ringgit projects and contracts had not been approved."

We guarantee them contracts for 2 generations! Just ask your subcontractors to build roads with the shoddiest material possible everytime and we will give you a contract to "maintain" the road for 70 years!

Our biggest coup was to get Tun Dr. M to join Super UMNO after he left UMNO but he wanted to be Super UMNO member NO.1 but that was taken. So we left amicable, but not before he threatened to chop my head off (or was that Pak Lah?)

One day soon I will reveal who were members No. 0 and our super secret member -1.

We control everything, get used to it

Katanya, pegawai-pegawai Kemas, Jabatan Pelajaran dan jabatan khas Kementerian Penerangan memberi tekanan dan ugutan supaya cawangan-cawangan tidak mencalonkan Zaid."Ada guru yang mengadu mereka akan dikenakan tindakan jika mencalonkan Zaid untuk jawatan ketua bahagian."Manakala Kemas pula akan menghentikan bantuan kepada cawangan yang mencalonkan Zaid," katanya.

We control the vertical, we control the horizontal, we control everything.

The air you breathe? We give it to you. If we wanted, we would chop everything, giving logging contracts to our "kawan-kawan" and put Malaysia in a permanent haze, but we are kind hearted, we need to breathe too.

Your water? We privatize lah and get our cut, but still cheap what.

Your roads? You pay car tax. We create toll roads, pass sub-contracts to everyone and keep tolling people till they die!

You can't beat us, so Join us (subject to terms and conditions, native Malay speakers only) at Super UMNO.

Pension, EPF? Invested in "strategic projects" of national importance. Good for the country right, so good for you. Also invested in Valuecap to prop up the stock market. This good also what? EPF has so much shares in the stock market, it might as well help to prop it. Virtuous circle right? everyone wins. He! He!

Kemas, AJKK, whatever, this is the party that has it all, and we are one step better.

Super UMNO

Mike Tyson is my Hero

If I was a girl I would be his second (or third?) wife.

This is called trickle down economics. Spreading the wealth around.

Mike Tyson should quit UMNO and become the President of Super UMNO! 

Only he would have the balls to carry 2.4m into Australia (has he not heard of money transfer?) and then say he can't speak English.

Ha

 Sabah Umno MP, who declined to be named, told The Malaysian Insider of how one "agent" of a party election candidate recently toured the state's interior just before the close of nominations to drum up support.

"This man went round offering government contracts to the rural folk in return for nominating his man," he said.

He claimed the "agent" was a government officer (a civil servant!) who worked for a federal minister. The contracts being offered included deals to repair bridges and community halls.

Each contract was worth approximately RM10,000. That was how much a nomination was worth.

Muhammad, who is also Rural Development Minister, was forced to answer accusations in Parliament from his own Barisan Nasional (BN) and Umno colleagues that his special officer had been sent to campaign for him in Sabah.

Last Monday, Datuk Seri Abdul Ghapur Salleh, Umno's Kalabakan MP and Raime Unggi, the Umno MP for Tenom, had complained in Parliament to Muhammad about the presence of the minister's special officer during the Umno divisional elections.

Datuk Anifah Aman, the leader of Sabah Umno MPs, said the special officer "had used his position to campaign for the minister."

"There is no use wasting government and public funds to campaign for the minister's interest and not for the people's interest," he told the minister to applause from his fellow lawmakers.

The people? UMNO is the people! We have 3 million members! So what we do for them is good for them and the country.

If we don't give contract what is the reason for People to join UMNO?

Hey people if you join Super UMNO, we will give you a perpetual guaranteed contract. You vote for me all the time, you always get contract.

Join Super UMNO today!

Mukhriz is an Honarary Super UMNO member, RESPECT!

But the idea that the BN needs to reform or that there needs to be change in the political balance does not meet with Umno Youth exco Datuk Mukhriz Mahathir's approval.

Mukhriz, for instance, is firm in his belief that there is no real need for changes in the BN format, 

Right, why should UMNO change? Everyone else should change. We represent the majority, you lost your support, so you change lah.

In the Super UMNO party we will make sure pendatang parties like MIC and MCA know their place.

Ali Rustam is not Super UMNO material

So Ali Rustam wants to

Umno vice-president Mohd Ali Rustam once again reiterated that the party must take control of the government to ensure Umno policies, especially the New Economic Policy (NEP), are being implemented effectively at all levels across the nation.

What lah, Ali, what kind of UMNO member are you, we already control the govt. Why you so bodoh?! I think you need to be replaced by a Super UMNO candidate in Melaka so that we can control the state govt. there. Obviously you are not doing that if you don't think UMNO doesn't already control all aspects of the federal govt. What you think we have been doing for 51 years? Simply shaking legs and letting civil servants be impartial? Where got lah. Let me hit your head so you wake up from dream land.

"So it's only proper for the party to control the government to implement policies, action plans and reforms desired by the masses.

Corect! Correct! Correct!

You might agree with the Super UMNO plan. All important positions will be appointed! Head of GLC's judiciary, police, everything and they will exclusively be Super UMNO members

Super UMNO

I am fed up with UMNO. They simply aren't UMNO enough!

They are not defending my interest at all. Just giving in all the time

I am forming a new party, Super UMNO.

Criteria for Membership

1. Must speak Malay in public and English in private, in interviews and when speaking to the press

2. Must have cosmopolitan friends in private only

3. Must be educated in Britain

4. Must hobnob with the rich of all races in private but be a Tuan in public (preferably with Keris)

5. Must have an apartment/home in London

6. Must know how to reward people who vote for you

Criteria can be expanded or changed at any time

Voting for the ~President

Very easy, each state will choose one delegate.

Those 13 delegates will then choose the President of the Super UMNO party.

Simply! No need of one member one vote. And the Supreme Council (comprising these 13 people) can also postpone Super UMNO elections indefinitely so member don't need to attend boring meeting and have pesky elections to vote for. Just leave it to the leadership, we know best.